Lillies

How does it feel when you lose some one who is very close to you? More so when you don’t realise their importance and presence in each and every part of your daily life until that time when you no longer can see them or live with them? I never cared to think to answer this question or even think about trying to find the answer until I experienced it this day. The feeling of not able to see them at your dinner table anymore, the feeling of not able to discuss with them all that you have been doing until now and all those things you always wanted to say to them and talk to them but could not do all because you think you had time in your hands start lingering in your brain. You suddenly seem to remember all those things they said they liked, they did not like and suggestions given to you to improve your life. Only after my grandpa departed this world could I realise the gravity and importance of all he said to me and most of them, which I liked but never cared to implement.

It is more painful when you start remembering them every time you do a work or some job said by them, which you have left incomplete. The whole work becomes a big painful experience. The whole time you have spent with them rewinds back in those few hours and it is more devastating to come to terms with their departure. Accepting the fact as fact is easy to say than doing it and given a chance I do not want the fact itself to happen.

All these years, I did not experienced anything like this but has seen people experiencing it. I felt very bad for them and their position but never did I truly felt bad for more than a day. The longest I remember was for about a day or so. But when I experienced this, I felt how bad all those guys would have felt. Every single picture of the departed makes you crumble and every single condolence makes you feel the pain growing big and stronger.

During the few days post the departure of my grandpa, I have been exposed to heavy doses of Bhagavad-Gita, the holy book of Hindu’s, which talks about, apart from other things, the soul and its presence everywhere. From what I could understand, nothing is permanent in this world. If nothing is permanent, then what is the use to make us born, make us feel the luxury and pain, develop affection and liking, make us wish to have everything permanently and at then end of the journey force us to leave everything behind? The answer must be there somewhere.

“Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end if not always in the way we expect.” I wonder what is that way of coming back. I would certainly want to wait for ages to see that. After all there is nothing more satisfying in this world than just get back what you have loved the most and lost.

We all have heard the saying that when some one you love departs from this world they become a star up in the universe and looks at you from above. I wonder, which star my grandfather, must have become. I wish I could know that particular star so that I would always be looking at it and never feel the loss of my grandpa. I know I cannot find nor can I try to find since I am no God to just search and find a single star from the infinite number of stars in the galaxy but as they say sky is the limit and this time I don’t mind going to the extreme end of the limit.

Yours Always,